An evening of Minecraft roleplay filled with religious fanatics, communist spies, and a bawdy scene

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  An evening of Minecraft roleplay filled with religious fanatics, communist spies, and a bawdy scene

I didn’t think it was possible to raise the bar from last week, when I told you about my experience playing god on a hunger games server. However, life had prepared an RNG for me (“luck” factor in video games) that I would never have imagined: an evening in a roleplay server of Minecraft.



Today’s story lives up to what my colleague Juan Sanmartin tells you about GTA Online. He has it all: religious freaks, communist spies, and a bawdy scene. The only thing missing was a few Michael Bay-esque explosions.



A couple of the hunger games participants invited me to another server where they do relaxation role play and to have fun, without videos or direct. I was allowed to play for one night as a special event.



This dead man is very much alive: welcome to Spaghetti Valley



My arrival in Spaghetti Valley happened in a strange way: I was reborn in the body of Vladimir Truchev, a communist spy who died in strange conditions on the server. I was John Kenwaya detective who lived during the first decades of the 20th century and who was shot dead in a Birmingham alley while investigating a corruption case.



Minecraft Experiential 2



My participation in the server was part of a impromptu special event in which Kenway came back to life in Truchev’s body. To make it interesting, I chose to focus my story on a detective investigation into who killed Truchev.



The first hours were a bit boring because I had to face the confusion of the Spaghetti Valley citizens. The most complicated part was explaining it to the Sheriff of the town, who put me in a room and questioned me like a policeman in a movie for an hour on the clock.



The highlight of the interrogation was one of the last sentences I shouted at the Sheriff so that he would believe me: “YOU CANNOT ACCEPT THE TRUTH!”, referring to the phrase said by Jack Nicholson in the movie some good men. At last life gives me the opportunity to yell at someone!



Minecraft Experiential 3



I laugh at George Washington on Independence Day - my patriotism in GTA Online is measured in booze and fireworks



I won my freedom on the condition that I investigate the murder of the communist spy Truchev, who was playing a double game with the Sheriff. The tests were not entirely conclusive. Leaving the police station, I was kidnapped by two people who threatened me with a machete (sword in Minecraft).



Meeting the Truchev family



He hadn’t gotten out of one when he was already into the next. They both took me to the basement of a remote house to question me. They had a Russian accent, so I assumed they were the communists. This time I decided to play along and pretend it was Vladimir revived.



It was not easy to convince them. They told me that they were Vladimir’s brothers, that they were spying on the Sheriff and that they suspected that the murderer was his (my) wife, Yennefer. I was told that this woman was the sister of Joselito, the spiritual leader of the sect that founded Spaghetti Valley and the Sheriff’s best friend. Her religion believed in a large piece of spaghetti as his god.



Minecraft Experiential 4



I got on good terms with the Truchevs and went to the nearest tavern to process all this information. There I met Malenia, the tavern waitress. She told me that she arrived in town days before Vladimir died and that she had to moonlight because no one wanted to take care of the new cemetery.



My head was going to explode. I had a few shots of my Whisky. After telling him my story, I asked him if he knew anything about Vladimir’s death. She told me in whispers that everyone suspected Yennefer, but she pointed to a settling of scores between the Truchev brothers.



I thanked him for the drink and the information, and headed towards the Joselito temple. It was impossible not to see it due to its size and the large number of lights. I’m sure he had something to make up for, you know what I mean…



Meeting Joselito, the zumbao of the spaghetti god



My experience in the sect temple was to frame. If I had had a gun, I would have emptied the magazine into my chest. He told me a thousand moves of his religion that I politely ignored while having a Caesar salad dinner in real life.



When my character and I finished pretending that we were interested in all the paraphernalia that he told us (incredible role of the kid), I told him my story. Joselito did not hesitate to believe me because he was part of the your god’s plan or I don’t know what story.



Minecraft Experiential 5



I asked him about the rumors of the murder of Vladimir and his sister. She pointed to the brothers as the culprits, agreeing with Malenia, and added that Vladimir deserved it because he was “an abusive fucking drunk.” I admit that those last few minutes of the roleplay were incredible and very, very dark. Genderbent Dorian Pavus de Dragon Age: Inquisition Cosplay



Finally, Joselito told me that the owner of my body used to frequent El Cubo Lujurioso, a local hostess where he “spent too many hours cheating on my poor sister.” The Sheriff and Joselito had mobile and media to finish off Vladimir. She had yet to meet Yennefer, but she couldn’t find her. I headed to the local hostess to get answers.



“The Lustful Cube”: an unexpected encounter



The place was empty and looked suspiciously similar to the one in GTA V. I checked the building for someone. Any. I decided to leave the building and found a woman waiting for me at the door. It was Yennefer, who had been following me after learning of my arrival in the village.



“Is what my brother says true?” Yennefer asked me. After exchanging a few phrases that could have cut the tension of the scene, we began to talk more relaxed. We sat inside the premises, in the seats that pointed to the dance bar, and we spent two clock hours talking. She told me the whole story of him with Vladimir.



Some friends invited me to their Minecraft server: now I am your god, the Lord of the Long Night and the Great Sword



Minecraft Experiential 6



The conversation began to lighten up. He was too lively. So much so that it started to get heated… and I’ll admit that the girl role-played the situation extremely well. I didn’t know where to go. It’s been years since my voice shook when I talked to someone. I’ve seen soft roleplays like this before, but living them is another roll.



And when you think everything is going well, the slap of life comes…



When I thought there was no turning back and that I was going to have to role-play all that, Malenia entered the door of El Cubo Lujurioso. Her first words destroyed the whole atmosphere (thank goodness): “Are you done with this gili ******, darling?” Malenia said. “All yours…” Yennefer replied. “Don’t fuck with me…” I let out with a sigh. It wasn’t hard to figure it all out.



They both ordered me go out to the back alley of the premises at the point of a machete. Once there, they told me their plans as if they were the bad guy in a movie: they fell in love at first sight and Malenia took Vladimir out of the way in one of her tantrums towards Yennefer. Straining the story of the communist brothers’ reckoning to the brother, the Sheriff, was not complicated.



“You’re a good guy, John. I like you,” said Yennefer. “I already told you it was cute,” Malenia completed. “You’re going to kill me. What the fuck are you telling me, crazy couple? If you’re going to kill me, at least give me one last glass of Whisky”, I ordered them. “You’re going to screw everything up,” Yennefer replied. “It won’t be possible. Last words?” Melina replied at the same time as her lover.



I knew I was going to die. She again she was going to die in a dark alley in the rain. The roleplay could not end better or wanting. “Are you going to kill me with your machetes or are you planning to bore me to death with your semones? The same thing, your poor brother can lend you a hand…” I told them while laughing. It didn’t take long for them to sew me up with machetes until they killed me.



Spaghetti Valley will never know what happened to Vladimir, much less John Kenwey. They will find the stabbed corpse of a dead man who has already been buried. He was pretty sure the Sheriff had gotten the communist out of the way to protect his sister from him. The irony of all this is that I was killed by a character named Malenia… AGAIN! SHE HAD TO BE CALLED MALENIA!



Minecraft Experiential 7



After finishing the game, I was able to chat on Discord with the real people who played the characters in this story. The Sheriff recognized my cinephile reference and Joselito is as crazy in real life as he is in the video game. The Tarkov brothers (brothers in real life) left before he could meet them.



I also chatted with Yennefer and Malenia, who are couple in real life. This information would certainly have helped John Kenwey. The three of us stayed up chatting until the wee hours, first about the roleplay game and then about our lives. They are a lovely couple and we have become friends.



These experientials are leading me to meet wonderful people from the community of Minecraft. I have no idea how I am going to top the bar for next week. I’m running out of ideas.



Note: The members of the server asked me not to share screenshots or real names to maintain their privacy. They have only allowed me to tell the experience of the event they organized so that I could write this. I hope you liked it!



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